I Do
by SafestLedge
Summary: Growing up, the two friends could only be described as 'soulmates who met too young.' Edward watches Bella leave him when they are merely 18, and he's devastated. Four years later, he spots her on a city street, getting into a cab in lower Manhattan.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't know what this is...**

**Well, that's a lie. It's the first chapter of this story that has been swimming in my head for months, and I've actually wrote down quite a bit of it. I think that if I actually committed to posting this, then I might get somewhere. Maybe. And I've finally edited this part enough for my contentment. So anyway, I've let it out, and this is how it came across.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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Chapter 1

Ungodly Hour

"Edward, you make me so happy...you know? But, I have to make myself happy first…and that's probably the one thing in this whole world that you can't do for me."

"Bella, what are you saying?" I asked urgently.

"For so long, all I wanted was you. All I dreamt about was you."

"What happened?"

"I got my wish and now…I don't have anything else. I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that is why I shut you out. Because if I can't have something to hold onto independently from you, then I don't have anything at all. I don't know who I am. I don't know where you end and I begin. "

"Bella, I know you. You are the same person I've known for my whole life. You're My Bella. My best friend! More than that…"

"Look, Edward…people change."

"They don't have to."

"Yes they do. People die and they move away…and they grow up."

"We can grow up without growing apart, Bells. Why can't you see that?"

"How can you know that? How do you know I'm not just some safety net that you keep coming back to every time the world gets too scary? I don't want to go backwards anymore, Edward."

"Is that what I represent to you?"

"No, not you. Us. The reason I came here tonight is because we need to move on. Look, we're not kids anymore. And I'm not gonna do this anymore. And I just thought you should know. I want more in life than…"

"More than what? More than us? You don't know, do you? You've never known! The entire time I've known you, all you've wanted to do is escape. From me, from Forks. You're running away because you're scared…" my voice trailed off in realization.

I looked up to her resolute, tear-streaked face, and I knew it was too late. She had already made her decision, and now she was shutting me out. She was really leaving me. I was already coping with the knowledge that she was leaving for New York University in less than a month_._ But now I was losing her for good. Without her, my knowledge of the future was a terrifying void.

"Bella." I pleaded with unconcealed anguish seeping into my strangled voice. "Please."

She shook her head slowly at me, with quiet tears falling down her flushed cheeks. I gazed deep into her unfathomable brown eyes, with frustration, seeing her as…someone who was driven by their insecurities…for the first time in my life.

As if she could hear my thoughts, she stared back unwaveringly. But she was still so strong. Her hands were still clenched with resolve as she stood stiffly my driveway.

For so long, our lives had been inextricably woven together, since childhood. I used to know that our fates were somehow intertwined, that it would always be just Edward and Bella.

But I wasn't sure if I knew _anything_ anymore.

We were so stuck in this moment, it was clear that our lives together, and everything we ever thought we knew of the future, were coming undone.

The second and third waves of our stubborn argument now finally subsided into a heartbreaking, trembling, silence that thickened the air around us.

I couldn't handle it anymore.

My blood started boiling with an acidic rage that burned my mouth and clogged my throat. I allowed this wave of bitterness to overtake me, because I knew that anger would be much easier to deal with right now. It was the most uncomplicated emotion I could have felt, and I welcomed that.

And because I began to make it easier on myself, I was going to make this so much harder for her.

"Argh!" I exclaimed suddenly, and she didn't even flinch. "Don't give up on this, Bella! You're scared, right?! Well so am I!" I growled angrily. The context of the words conflicted with my tone. I had meant my words to sound reassuring, as my last feeble attempt to make her stay, but I'm sure my words lost their effect when I practically spat them at her.

I realized I wasn't getting through to her. So I said the worst, hurtful thing I could possibly utter to her right then.

"Don't leave me like your father left you!" I spat out, loathing myself more than anything. She winced in painful remembrance, but otherwise didn't react. I was so awful, yet so stubborn. I just threw all of my pain right back at her.

I gripped at a lock of my hair and slammed my tight fist on her truck as my tears flowed readily now. She wouldn't respond to my biting words anymore. Maybe she had had enough of me. I stood there, breathing roughly and heavily, calming myself down.

Breathing.

Minutes passed, and I finally looked back up at her.

"Edward…I want to know that you don't hate me for leaving, I want to know that this isn't the last time I-"

"They're just words, Bella. I can stand here and tell you that you're making a colossal mistake, that all roads lead back to me, but it doesn't matter. Words, speeches…they sound great but they don't add up to anything. It's all just words, Bella. Because after you're done dispensing your pleasantries here, you're gonna turn around and walk away from me. Aren't you?"

She looked down as she said her next words to me.

"I have to," she repeated shakily. "You taught me to trust myself, so this is what I have to do." Her last words were a mere whisper. She looked down, as if she couldn't bear to acknowledge my pain on top of her own.

And that was it. Deep inside my core, I felt myself just…break. The last shred of denial I had been grasping was taken with her meek confirmation, and now I understood. And now I was faced with…just…anguish.

As cliché as it sounds, I then felt as if my insides just shattered into a million glass shards that pierced through my gut. My stomach heaved, and I bit back a gasp. As of now, I didn't know it was possible to feel physical pain with heartbreak. Indescribable torment.

My eyes stung sharply, and I knew that if she looked up at me, she would be able to see right through me. I didn't care, though. Maybe I wanted her to see it.

With my eyes boring into her, I pleaded for her to look at me. _Just look at me._

She wouldn't.

So I let out a whoosh of air, and swallowed loudly.

I steeled myself for what was coming next. If I was going to say it, then I was going to have to mean it. With everything I still had.

And I did.

"Then all that matters right now is what you want." I whispered hoarsely.

She looked up after a moment, and I took a tentative step forwards.

I couldn't really read her face. I could derive that she sensed my own pain, and being Bella, I knew she ached for me. Because she loved me as much as I loved her. And I knew that she ached _with _me, because of her own emotional distress. But that was all I could see. No regret. No uncertainty, not anymore. Just…pain.

I softly pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, and cradled her face with my palm. We intently gazed at one another for what felt like hours. I was telling her that I loved her with only my eyes. I couldn't say it aloud; I would choke on the words if I voiced them. Saying it would just make it harder for her.

We stood there, quietly reflecting on that epic changing day. For what felt like hours.

But always too soon, the air between us changed again; it held finality.

She slowly took a step back, still holding my gaze. She took another deliberate step, leaving my hand dangling in the air to grasp at nothing.

With one last poignant look at me, she turned and jumped in her truck and backed out of my driveway. Swiping at tears and never looking at me again.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

Thousand Miles

_"BELLA!"_

My stifled scream woke me from my vivid dream of that September day four years ago.

I felt the hot, sticky trails on my face from the tears that fell in my sleep. I sat up quickly and looked at myself through the mirror across the room.

I looked like hell.

My hair was disheveled, at least more than usual. My cheeks were flushed red and my eyes were bloodshot. My chest rose and fell quickly with my shallow breathing.

It was hard for me to breathe when I got choked up with the feelings from that day. I had been dreaming of Bella more and more these days, and I always lost sleep over it.

I lurched myself out of bed, angry with myself for this lapse. I was usually so good at avoiding these painful paths of thought.

I slipped on some dark jeans and a black t-shirt, and walked quietly out to my cousin's kitchen. I had been staying here in New York City the past week to visit my cousin Alice and my brother-in-law, Jasper. Luckily, the kitchen was empty, and Alice had already left for work about an hour ago. So if things were going my way, Jasper would be out too, and I wouldn't have to explain my wretched state of mind.

I poured the bran cereal into a clean bowl from the dishwasher and took my seat by the big glass window that looked out over the street below. Alice lived sixteen stories up, so all the people and cars looked like miniature models. I felt so far away from the hum of the city.

Just as I was finishing up my breakfast, I heard the front door click and Jasper coughing. I suppressed a groan. I was hoping I could just slip out and return back to California, back to my worthless job and my music gigs. I would've called Alice before I got on the plane.

Jasper sauntered in the living room, and plopped down on the couch across from the chair I was leaning against. Without looking at me from behind his article of New York Times he found on the coffee table, he spoke up.

"How'd ya sleep, Edward?" he drawled. He flipped the paper down to look at me and furrowed his brow. I just looked at him back, imagining what contorted expression he saw on my face.

"Bad dreams?" he asked knowingly.

_How the hell would he know that?_

I shrugged noncommittally and looked away.

"You can tell me, man. I know all about _Bella_."

I jerked my head up, to examine his expression. I expected smugness from him, but he looked back at me with a slight frown and pity in his eyes. I scowled nevertheless. What did _he_ know about her?

"Hey, don't get mad. Alice told me about her." He said warily, as if he heard my silent question.

I sighed and muttered a string of obscenities under my breath. Jasper and I were friends, practically family, but I usually didn't feel comfortable talking about this with anyone.

_Ah, what the hell._

I stirred my soggy cereal around in its bowl while collecting myself enough to answer the guy.

"Yeah…you're right actually. You could call it a bad dream. I dreamt about the last day I saw her. When she left."

He nodded slowly.

"What was it like for you?" He asked with quiet curiosity, but still sounded evidently concerned.

It was…agony." I began, after pausing to decide how to phrase my words. "Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can't breathe...you don't want to eat...you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and the worst part is, there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you _know_ that it's yours for life."

He nodded again, considering my words. I waited patiently for it to sink in with him.

"Alice only told me how close you two were. How you grew up together. And how much you meant to each other. Alice said you met when you were both at least five, and were life-long best friends instantly. She called you soulmates who met too young…" he mused.

I suppose we were 'soul mates.' I mean, when I was growing up, my life seemed like it was practically about her, even before I realized my feelings for her. Even now, I'd define this era of my life as Post-Bella. How fucking pathetic.

Jasper continued, not acknowledging my silence.

"And I don't know if I can fully appreciate what you went through. I mean, God…" he shook his head again, at a loss for words.

I let out a humorless chuckle. Surprisingly, it felt okay to talk about it. I was so used to putting a lot of my energy into pretending my past didn't happen, and carrying the weight of the burden, silently. I was content to see it from Jasper's perspective for a moment, and distance myself from it.

"What was she like?" he asked with a small smile. I, too, smiled back.

"She…she was…incredible." I finished lamely.

"She's so smart. And so beautiful. Excruciatingly. God, she doesn't even know it either. If I ever told her that, she wouldn't listen to me for a second.

"She's funny, too. She has the wryest, wittiest sense of humor." You could also call it cynicism. She always used to say that whenever everything else ran dry, she still had her humor.

"If you creep up behind her, she'll jump out of her skin. It's amusing to startle her. She's also the clumsiest person I know. If there was anything that could be broken in a mile radius, Bella would break it." Really, she was a walking accident.

"Um…she's honest. She calls them like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from her, even if it hurts.

"She's so stubborn. We fought constantly. There's not one thing in this world that she doesn't have an opinion on. She could be so frustrating sometimes. And…she was loyal to a fault. Very selfless, and a really, really good friend. We knew each other so well that we didn't even have to verbalize what we were thinking most of the time. The other person just got it, or picked up on it.

"And she always believed in me. I know it's hard to believe now…but I was a dreamer growing up, and I needed her in my life. But…it was more than that. She was more than my lifelong best friend. She was…everything. Everything I had…" my voice trailed off quietly.

Jasper paused, making sure I was finished. "From the way you describe her, it sounds like the sun rises and sets with this girl."

Before I could respond, Alice came barging in the doorway. We both looked up in surprise, and she trilled a laugh at our expressions.

"I wouldn't want Edward to leave without a proper goodbye!" she exclaimed to us.

I had to laugh at her enthusiasm as I got up to say farewell to the two of them.

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After leaving Alice's apartment, I realized I still had a few hours to kill until I needed to be at the airport to fly back to L.A. At least there it would be a reasonable temperature. It was mid-December, so the temperature felt brisk and it woke me up a bit. I shoved my hands deep into my jacket pockets and rewrapped my scarf tightly around my neck.

Alice and Jasper lived fairly close to Central Park, but I didn't feel like getting lost in there. Instead, I took the subway to Greenwich Village, to see the famous Washington Square Park.

When I emerged out of the underground subway system, up to the city streets, I appreciated the historical architecture of the Village. The towering, multi-storied skyscrapers and filthy sidewalks were replaced with cobblestone walkways and brick buildings that were only a few stories tall. The streets winded and turned throughout the area, unlike the square city blocks in the other parts of Manhattan.

Seeing the Washington Arch, I knew I had arrived.

Passing through the park, there were many college students sitting on benches, and musicians strumming guitars for money. When I got there, I didn't really know what to do with myself, though. I sat down on an empty bench next to the Arch, set my duffle bag of stuff next to me, and slipped my ear buds in. I don't know how long I just sat there and people watched, letting my thoughts wander.

Mostly they centered on Bella. Now that Jasper and I had talked about her, it seemed all the walls that I built for myself in my head were torn down.

I remembered everything about her. The mahogany hue of her brown hair, and how she'd always let it fall in her face when she wanted to hide her emotions. How her clothes never seem to fit her right, being hammy downs from her older sister Mel, but in a way they suited her. She never seemed comfortable in her own skin. She was always so beautiful and intelligent and tragically unaware of all of this. I remembered her pretty ivory skin and her penetrating brown eyes. She always saw right through me…

I remember that before she left, she intended to go to New York University, which has a major campus here in Greenwich Village. Maybe she's nearby...somewhere...

Sometimes I would see a woman walk by who had a similar hair color as Bella, or a similar facial structure. I kept noticing these small things from women who walked by, unaware of my presence. I suppose a few of them may have been quite pretty, but I didn't really notice this in anyone, anymore. No one was really beautiful.

My thoughts weaved in and out of the present and past as I let them take me.

Abruptly, I jolted back to the present and glanced at my watch. It was around ten-thirty, and my flight left in two hours. I really needed to leave.

I got up, slung my duffel bag over my shoulder, and walked back the way I came to find a taxi.

When I walked out of the park, I waited strategically on the edge of the sidewalk to try and flag down a taxi when I saw one. I saw a woman about ten feet away from me, trying to do the same. She was facing away from me, and I could see that a taxi driver would probably stop for her before he even saw me. I huffed impatiently, and continued to wait on the street corner. When a taxi came into view, it immediately swerved towards the woman.

I had cast my eyes back towards the street, when I saw the woman trip off the curb in my peripheral vision. She caught herself quickly by extending her hands to out to the car, and I could see the driver say something to her. Just then, I noticed her hair was oddest shade of chocolate brown when strands of it caught the sun that filtered from the sky. It contrasted nicely with her pallid complexion. Something about her seemed vaguely familiar, yet I just couldn't place her. My brain was working in slow motion.

Another taxi pulled up to me, though I had forgotten to keep waiving for one. I opened the back door but remained fixed in my spot. As I stared at her, I still couldn't get a good look at her face, which was frustrating for some reason. I wanted to pretend that it was _her_, if only for a brief second. If I didn't know any better, it could be her…

Before she got in the taxi, she paused to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, and the gesture was just too familiar. Something clicked in my head, before I could consciously realize what was happening.

Too quickly, she hopped in the taxi and it began to pull into the street. I then heard the impatient cab driver trying to address me.

"Sir? Sir? Do you want a ride or not?" his tone rang with annoyance.

I glanced back up at the taxi that had just pulled into the moving traffic, and I jumped in my taxi, slamming the door. I impulsively and desperately told the driver to follow the cab that just left with the woman. He looked in his mirror at me and shrugged, figuring I at least didn't look like a complete psycho. He would get more money anyway if he accidentally 'lost' the other cab and drove around, following another. I kept my eyes intently focused on the cab in front of us, just in case.

"Sir, I need you to pull up next to the other cab." I demanded. He obliged with a grunt, and cut in front of a car in the left lane. Honking resounded and echoed off the tall buildings, and we were already catching up.

I could see a stoplight on the corner ahead, and if only just for a second, I would be able to get a brief glimpse in that taxi. All of the cars began to stop, and ours crept forward to get even with the other taxi.

Just as we couldn't move forward anymore, I swung my head to look at the cab next to us.

And then I saw her.

My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes started stinging.

Sitting in the other cab, I saw Bella's profile through the tinted glass_. It was really her._

She was looking down, probably reading or something, and had no inkling of my presence.

I _had_ to make her see me.

I _can't _lose her now.

At first, I just stared at her intently, willing her to look at me. My fist rose and sharply struck the glass window.

I rasped out her name.

_Bella. Notice me. Just look at me. _I chanted in my head.

I don't know what caused her to look up. Maybe she saw movement in her peripheral vision. Maybe she felt my intent staring. Or maybe she just felt my presence.

But the cause didn't matter. Only the effect.

Slowly, Bella looked up and forward, and turned her head towards me. When her gaze began to drift to me, I swear I stopped breathing, and laid my hand flat against the window.

Her eyes locked with mine, and I sat there, transfixed by her gaze.

Bella initially looked shocked, as if she had just seen a ghost. I don't think either of us blinked in that moment; I was afraid she would disappear if I let my eyes stray away for a second. As I felt my cab slowly inching forward to accelerate, I saw her hand timidly lay on the window in a gesture to mimic mine.

I saw her mouth my name, and I yelled hers in response as she sped away.

Desperately I flicked my head around to look at the cab driver. He glanced back, feeling my urgent stare.

"Sheesh, kid, I get it. I won't let that taxi out of my sight. Now shut up and stop yelling."

As I followed her cab intently with my eyes, I felt a stirring familiarity in this present scenario.

It was almost like she was driving away from me again. Not quite, but maybe because of my poignant dreams last night, it seemed that way.

But there was a difference, here.

This was unlike the day we parted years ago, and thus distinctly different from last night, when I dreamed about that day.

Then, I could only rasp out her name, and pray that she would come back to me.

_But this time_, _I was chasing after her._

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	3. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

Stay

She pulled me into the backseat of the taxi, and absentmindedly gave the driver an address. She turned to me then.

"I never thought I'd see you again in my life, Edward," she said dazed.

"And here we are…" I said with equal astonishment. "What on earth are you doing in New York, Bella?"

"What am I doing here?" she repeated loudly. "I live here! That's what I'm doing here! I was just leaving work…and then you are there, staring at me like you've seen a ghost," she snapped, as if she was defending herself.

"Oh," I said, backpedaling. "Yeah, I was just visiting my cousin…of course you remember Alice?" My voice came up, sounding like a question.

"Alice," she said warmly with remembrance. "How nice. How is she- wait a minute! How are you? I mean, god, Edward, it's been years." She counted four out on her fingers, as if she had lost track of the time.

I scratched my head. "I…uh…don't know if I can answer that in a few sentences…hey, are you free? I would really like to talk to you…you know, catch up." I tacked on the last part to sound nonchalant, which was the farthest from what I was feeling. I don't know what I'd do if she said no; I was still afraid of rejection from her, like I was still a defensive teenager.

"Yeah! I mean, yeah, I'm free." If I was still as good at reading her, I would bet that she is just as nervous as I was. "Look, we're headed back to my apartment now. But there is a quaint little café within walking distance. We could eat. You hungry?"

I shrugged. "I can eat."

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Bella's spoon clinked against the inside of the coffee mug as she stirred in her creamer and sugar. She stared down at her mug, as if she was highly concentrated on the task. I sighed, pushing my empty plate away.

"Bella." She looked up at me abruptly. "Talk to me." I smiled to soften the awkward mood between us, and I think it worked.

"Oh, Edward. Where do I even begin with you?" she smiled to herself as she looked deep in thought. "In some ways, you know everything there is to know about me. And in others, you're presence in my life fits the definition of a total stranger."

"If I were a stranger, I wouldn't have let you escape from me in that cab, regardless." I gave her a crooked smile, and just as I intended, color faintly touched her cheeks as she flushed the lightest of pinks.

I laughed proudly. "I don't think I'll ever stop getting a kick out of _that, _my dear." She always blushed whenever she was the slightest bit flattered or embarrassed.

She playfully narrowed her eyes at me and reluctantly joined my laughter. Bella's laugh sounded like bells to me, which was an appropriate comparison.

"Yeah, unfortunately that habit never went away," she said with a slight frown.

"So you were working?" I prompted.

"Yeah…I work for the Associated Press actually." I raised my eyebrows appreciatively. She rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not as great as anything you're thinking of, I'm sure. I'm no journalist, yet. I'm a secretary for one of the established columnists, I don't know if you'd recognize the name. But anyway, I figure that if I keep at it, I'll work my way up, you know? I don't think that I'd ever dreamed I'd be wearing heels and taking phone calls and fetching coffee," she spat the last part out bitterly, but then recovered, "but I'm working my way up though. That was my point." She looked slightly distressed for a second, and then smoothed her expression out to look up at me.

I was fascinated with the play of emotions across her face, and the with the way her melodic voice rose and fell. I didn't respond, so she continued for me.

"So I believe I asked you how you were, back in the cab, and you implied you had a lengthy story for me." She smirked.

My 'lengthy story' as she humorously called it, the past four years of my life, didn't hold a candle to any success she had, and was even striving for now. She's going to see how pathetic I am.

"Ah," I paused. "Oh, I don't know. I've been living in California for two years now…I just got out of school.

"I transferred to USC from the University of Washington as an undergraduate. My major was kind of vague, because I still don't really know what I want to do with my life, but I'm thinking I'll write…or become an editor of some sort. I don't know. I have a job to get me by right now, but it's temporary. Lately, I've been so wrapped up in this music project I've been doing.

"It's nothing big yet, I've just been playing in a few bars in LA, opening for openers of a really good band. It's kind of an outlet for improving my writing, you know? Sort of. You know that I've been strumming a guitar for years…I'm just taking myself more seriously now.

"But anyway, I'd really like to start writing, in the long run. But I'm still getting there...Though, if I could have success with writing music, then I'd take it. I don't know if you've heard, but getting involved in the music business isn't exactly a walk in the park," I added matter-of-factly at the end. She rolled her eyes.

"But yeah," I continued, "I've been here in the city for about a week, visiting, and when I found you, I was on my way to the airport. In fact, I think my flight is leaving right about now…" I said, checking the clock on the wall across from me. She looked at me with concern, as if I still was worried about getting home. Silly Bella.

"But the thing about airplanes is that there will always be a later one."

BPOV

His words gave me hope that he would stay just a little longer. That he wanted to stay with me. I really needed him to. There were so many things I wanted to tell him about myself, and how I've changed so much since the last time he saw me. Though when I was around him, he could make me feel like the same sixteen-year-old girl I was a long time ago.

I looked up at him, and he was staring out the café window broodingly at the people bustling by on the streets. I admired how much he physically changed since the last time I saw him.

He was noticeably taller, as he probably had half a head on me now. His jaw line was more defined, and his perfect facial features looked more chiseled than when he was eighteen. Then, he still had a hint of baby fat in his cheeks, which were slightly fuller and softer. His bronze hair that was cut short when we were kids, was now grown out, and tousled in casual disarray. The hint of stubble on his chin, and the small circles beneath his eyes made him look tired. He seemed to dress better now, in neutral colors rather than the endearing sweaters Esme used to buy him. I stifled a giggle remembering how I was the only other one that knew how his mom practically dressed him, at the time.

He cocked his head at me curiously, and I shook my head, dismissing my chuckling. Instead I spoke up.

"I've missed you," I admitted straightly with a sad smile.

He smiled warmly and reached for my hand, which was wrapped around my coffee mug. He held it gently on the table, looking me in the eyes.

"I-" He stopped mid-sentence and glanced down at our hands. His brow furrowed in confusion as he lifted my hand towards his face as if to examine something. I was about to ask him what he was doing, when I felt the small ring on my wedding finger being spun around by Edward.

Oh, no.

Oh _shit._

Edward just stared at the small ring. He tried to keep a straight, emotionless face, but I could see an echo of the emotions he was feeling.

They scrolled across his face. And then they were all there simultaneously.

Shock. Disbelief. Hurt. Sadness. Pain.

"You…you're…" he couldn't get out the words. I cleared my throat softly and finished for him.

"I'm engaged, Edward," I said, mechanically.

He met my eyes, and because of our connection, I felt his anguish as my own, just as I always had.

"But…you're so _young_." He whispered hoarsely.

I could have argued with him, telling him that my circumstances were likely far different than his. I would tell him that he couldn't understand, because we were in completely different places in our lives. I would tell him to grow up, like I did.

I caught myself from acting so defensively, as I had to with many of my peers who said the same. They judged me instantly, so I defending myself for the engagement was almost an automatic reaction now. But Edward wasn't passing judgment, or putting me down. He cared about me, and anything I said would make it worse.

So I didn't say anything.

And then, what shocked me was the wounded anger I saw on his face.

"You…why didn't you tell me?!" he demanded as he recoiled from my hand sullenly. I flinched back from the accusation in his voice, and I returned both my hands to my lap.

"I…I don't know Edward. I'm truly sorry. I was going to tell you, I just…it didn't seem like the right time." I attempted to be diplomatic.

"Bella, we both know that the right timing has nothing to do with this." His voice seeped with annoyance, but then he let it soften. "I just…I'm hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me. Because it is obviously important in your life."

Though he didn't say it, I knew he was questioning whether he was still important to me, even now. If only he knew.

"Edward," I reasoned. "You matter to me, now, as much as you always have. Don't ever think you don't. _You_ were able to make me feel loved, make me feel _wanted_, when my father left and I had nothing else... Anyway, I just...I wanted to tell you, really. I wanted to be up-front and tell you immediately. Because I could never really be completely honest to you about everything way back when, about all of my insecurities. And you deserve honesty-"

Though he cut me off, his words were calm.

"Bella, I don't care what I deserve. I just am upset that you couldn't tell me." Edward leaned back in his booth and looked at the table wistfully.

"I was just…afraid that I was going to scare you away, before I even got a chance to talk to you. To know you again. I didn't intend to hurt you, or dismiss you. Because I really, need you to stay here with me, Edward. I don't want to live the next half of my life regretting all of the things I've left unsaid. I can't do that again." My fervent words hung in the air, giving them more emphasis.

Edward spoke up after a minute of thinking.

"I'm sorry," Edward sighed, defeated. "I reacted wrongly. When I'm around you now…I feel like I'm a teenager again. I feel like I can't get past all of my hang-ups and emotions, and I can't think correctly."

I shook my head, with a slight smile. "I know what you mean…" I mumbled. I still felt the same, potent surge of attraction to Edward, that I was always consciously aware of. What was surprising to me were the deeper feelings that were present, ones that I thought I had grown out of long ago.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick." He admitted quietly, lost in thought. And then his next words surprised me.

He squared his shoulders, and looked me evenly in the eye while his tone changed significantly. "Bella, you're engaged," he stated. "That is one of the most life-altering occurrences that will ever happen in your life. As a friend, I am happy for you, and proud of you." He sounded like the words were directed at himself, rather than me. Like he was convincing himself how to feel.

"Stop. Just, stop. I don't want to hear that," I demanded, irritated. "Let's please not disregard how painful this is for both of us to discuss." I pleaded.

Edward rubbed his eyes, with his head down. "It shouldn't be, Bella. We grew up. We let go. We gave up out future together. It shouldn't be this hard."

"_But it is_," I said softly in reassurance.

I tentatively reached my hand out, halfway across the table with my palm up. He glanced down at my hand, and then up at me, to read my eyes. While holding my gaze, he reached out the other half of the length of the table, and took my small hand in his.

And then everything shifted.

In that moment, when we held gazes, we forgave each other for everything. We forgave each other for everything that was our own faults, for the pain we inflicted on ourselves and the other. And most significantly, we forgave each other for everything that was beyond our control.

Everything that had torn us apart was beyond our control, back then and now.

Our timing was always fatefully awful, and we were destined to be that way. I was never one to naively acknowledge 'destiny' or 'fate,' but I felt the presence of each in that moment, I accepted both of them as the unyielding forces they were. Regardless of our ever-flawed timing, in that moment, we were completely in harmony with each other.

…Until the waitress decided she wanted her bill.

I don't think either of us heard her approach, but when she pointedly cleared her throat, our eyes jerked up to her. When she walked away, I looked back at Edward, to confirm that he had felt what I had.

And I knew he did. He began slowly rubbing small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, and smiling at me softly and knowingly.

I cleared my throat quietly. "Stay with me Edward. Stay here in New York."

"Wouldn't that be nice…" he said thoughtfully while staring at the ceiling, not taking me seriously.

We slowly rose from the booth, and Edward left a check that I didn't feel like arguing with him about. I planted my feet and looked at him squarely as he was about to lead us out the door.

"I mean it. Stay in New York for the holidays. I don't have anyone else to spend them with…I mean..._Mark_ is in Florida, with his parents…"

"Ah," he replied, pensively. I had broken our unspoken agreement to not talk about my engagement, but only out of necessity. I didn't know what he would say if he thought I was inviting him to stay with both me and my fiancée so soon, just after Edward heard of his existence.

Then Edward smiled the widest smile I had seen on him in years.

"So, let me get this straight, Ms. Swan. You want me to stay here for a week, to just _completely _suspend reality, to abandon _everything, _all just to spend time with my best friend in the whole world?" he asked musingly as his eyes danced with pleasure.

I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to stay as much as I wanted him to. And he was going to do it. _He was staying!_

I didn't try to hide my thrill at this realization.

"_Yes!!"_

For the second time that day, I threw myself forward and hugged him tightly with enthusiasm that wasn't customary for me. He hugged me back tightly, so I was pressed up against his cold jacket.

_"I didn't say yes, yet,"_ he breathed teasingly into my ear. I shivered involuntarily.

"_Don't kid yourself, Cullen. We both know you're going to,"_ I murmured back, and even I could hear the smile in my voice.

* * *


End file.
